Being mindful of the present is the hardest task I face.

There are seemingly two schools of unsolicited advice I receive of late: 1) It’s important to feel and talk about those feelings.  It’s part of healing.  2) Live in the present moment.  Don’t dwell on past events or be anxious of the future and you will find the happiness you seek is here, now.  Are these separate things, or one and the same?  There’s a parable in Buddhism about 2 arrows.  To butcher the story and still try to make a point, the first you’re shot with will hurt (naturally, and as it should).  The second arrow is that which ultimately kills us, as it is the one we shoot ourselves with when replaying the event of the first in our mind – over and over.  So, ya.  It’s like living in the attic, wrapped in an old blanket, and watching hi8 videos of your past failures over and over and wondering why you are so damn miserable.  This is not to say I’m depressed.  The idea is that I question in those moments when I’m recounting painful events how much of it is therapeutic, and how much is whatever the opposite of catharsis is (my arse is capable of more flush, G.Downie). 

It becomes more apparent that the amount of pain and suffering life deals out, compared to that which we put ourselves through in our minds, is miniscule.  What happened, is happening, or may happen is rarely even close to as bad as we perceive them.  Often, they bear no resemblance.  What’s my point?  There’s either a monster under my bed or there isn’t.  99% of the time, the fear that there may be one there ruins us enjoying our lives.  Whatever you think someone’s thinking is quite often wrong.  The motivation you thought was behind it, wasn’t.  The pain you feel someone is causing you, you’re causing yourself.  The good news is that I have the power to recognize, process, and hopefully change this.

In the meantime, I know more and more every day that we're talking years of healing - not the weeks or months I'd hoped.  That's the impatience in me that wants a quick solution to a long problem.