Until other factors align, and God agrees

I willfully struggle every day trying to connect little coincidences as hints whispered into my ear, find a confluence of events and persons that flow in and out of my path, and strike a balance between what I intend into my life and what the universe will allow at this time.  A headful to be sure, these concepts and more are thrusting me into a place where I’m both excited, afraid, and frankly a little tired of myself.  With my kettle boiling, I look out my kitchen window and contemplate that there is more visible life in that 2x4 frame than exists in the known universe.  The bird flying past may have only been able to do so as its ancient ancestors intended flight into reality by simply finding the precise moment when the will of an enlightened, ego-free being and the allowing of the universe on its own timeframe met.  I’m starting to believe more and more in miracles.  Not in the traditional sense.  Rather the notion that why some say God’s answer is “Yes, but not now” is connected to some notion of a universe whose field of intentions and manifestations requires a synchronicity in concert with the collective intentions of others.  Forgive me, but I’m circling into a point here (I hope).  As a personal example and part of my daily prayers, there is still lingering pain and residual anxiety in my heart over my failed relationship.  Though my partner moved on long ago, I do still feel strong emotions every day.  I only once asked for help to cleanse my soul of this pain.  I can almost see it when I meditate like little kites waving in the breeze whose anchors are tiny hooks lodged in my heart, dragging me through life not by sheer force but by the direction the aching, tugging sensation points.  It is indeed I who needs to unhook these kites so they can drift away and out of sight.  However, when I tried to manifest this intention the answer was clear and not particularly welcome.   My understanding and interpretation was that I need to first forgive, and wish only wellness upon those who I wish to forget before any detachment and deeper healing will begin.  Ugh, Buddha.  To not create or wish suffering upon another sure ain’t easy.   I think the point here is that I will not be able to force that wellness into reality until other factors align, and God agrees. 

I’m not a wisher, but I wish something else came out of my hands from time to time when I sit down to blog.  Maybe tomorrow I’ll force out something about non-localized behavior of white cells despite physical separation from the host organism.  It’s actually pretty cool shit.  Ya, that.

Comments

[Charmaine Stulp]

Alright Corey...it's not nearly as deep or intelligently put as your thoughts, but I said I would comment so here we go! In my experiance and my walk with God, I have learned [and continue to learn] that I am free when I surrender and am submissive to God's plan for my life. It certainly isn't easy...but then again, freedom is never free...it comes at a cost; an intentional sacrifice of my wants and desires in order to fulfill a much larger plan than I see. I want to follow the God who created my innermost being and knows me better than I know myself! I don't believe I'm meant to know the complex ways that God weaves all of life's happenings into a beautiful tapestry...but I know He does. The older I get, the more I believe this to be true.